mikeyfriskeyhands:

Honestly if I had the body I wanted I’d probably dress like a slut Im just saying

yo what the hell is this, how come i don’t get paid $21 an hour

(Source: itsgonnarian)

mrcraabs:

i’m terribly sorry sir, but for the last time, no, you can not pay us in stickers. i don’t care how many stickers you have. this is a high end restaurant. holy shit that is a lot of stickers. okay just give me those and you are free to go don’t tell anyone about this

understandablydumb:

the guy on the radio just said “gas prices aren’t so bad if you consider you’re really buying liquid explosive dinosaurs” and my perspective on life is forever changed

sapwhoretaa:

someone out there took gabe saporta’s virginity think about that

(Source: alanashhby)

glamour-parade:

How do you politely tell someone that you want them naked on top of you

(Source: surf4ces)